Sharing Jesus through my story...

Fair warning to any readers... this post is long... I recently shared my testimony at our Community Bible Study opening assembly and wanted to share it here also.  

 

Father God, I pray that you would use these words that You have given me, 
and the story You have written with my life, 
to bring hope and encouragement to many.  
I pray you would you draw others to Youself and to Your Word, 
and through Your Spirit bring peace, comfort, and healing.  
In Jesus' precious and holy name, Amen.

  Bless the LORD, O my soul,

And all that is within me, bless His holy name.

  Bless the LORD, O my soul,

And forget none of His benefits;

Who pardons all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases;

Psalm 103:1-3

I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom… so I am hardly ever by myself…

Back in September, near the end of the month, I went away for a weekend, all by myself… I attended a women’s conference, all by myself, and stayed in a hotel all by myself… and it was heavenly!! God spoke to me while I was there through one of the speakers (and I actually got to ride in the elevator with this speaker... all by myself... although I did not get to talk to her, as she was on her cell phone, asking her son about his soccer game.)

What she spoke to me, from her platform, was this:

“Tell them your story – that is how they see Jesus.”

 Now this grabbed my attention, as I had just recently told my story, back on September 9th, to a group of friends who had gathered in my home to celebrate with me the goodness of the Lord and the fact that He had carried me through the fire… exactly a year prior…

The next week I read this…

“Corrie ten Boom told her story many times. And it was in the telling of that story that lives were changed. Deep within each human being is an ancient, profound desire for a good story. You and I have a story, too, without which every other Christian is the poorer. Perhaps in learning how Corrie told her story, we will learn how to tell our own stories as well – and in so doing we will affect our world in ways that only eternity will tell.”

God got my attention, I heard Him… and that is why I am here today… telling my story, out of obedience to my Savior and my love for Him…

As I look back over my life, I can now see very clearly how the things in my life which have brought me great suffering and pain are the very same things that my Lord has graciously used to carry me deeper into intimacy with Him and to cause me to depend on and rely on Him alone.

Looking back, I can see that the things I had suffered are the very things that God had used to prepare me for an even greater season of suffering that I never would have anticipated…

I had suffered:

• The rejection and ridicule of others in high school because of my stand for Christ,
• Heartache from a broken engagement
• A difficult pregnancy, requiring a lengthy hospitalization
• My sibling choosing a different lifestyle which has torn our family apart and shattered dreams…

Jesus has graciously redeemed each and every one of these circumstances and used them collectively to draw me closer to Him, to speak to me through His Word, to teach me more about who He is, and to make me more obedient to Him… because somehow, in His grace, and in His sovereignty, I turned to Him and to His Word and not to other people or “stuff”… As I endured each season of suffering, my Lord has proved Himself to be so very faithful, and I have learned that His Word is trustworthy, true, and powerful.

I am so thankful that I learned these truths before He brought the next season of suffering into my life… which is the story I am here to tell you about today…

My story starts about 4 years after our boys were born. I started having problems associated with that time of the month, but I tried to play them off, as “this must just be what happens after you have had a baby, especially twins.” For about a year, I was able to manage pretty well.. I only had problems for about a week each month, they were bothersome, but I still functioned pretty well. They didn’t really slow me down…

About a year after that, we started homeschooling… and I started running more. I decided to train for a couple of half marathons, therefore I was running 4 to 6 days a week. I noticed that I was really tired a lot, and did not have as much energy, but blamed it on the homeschooling and running. And I just kept trudging along…

Well, I successfully trained and ran the Mercedes Half Marathon in Feb of 2010, and in March I ran the Seaside Half Marathon… we were also in the midst of K… then in April my symptoms significantly increased in severity. They went from being bothersome to being painful, but were manageable with lots of Aleve.

Then came May, and with May came more pain, more frequently, and there began to be times that it was debilitating… but at least we finished K …

Then June came, and when June hit, I began to experience pain like I have never in my life experienced… Aleve no longer had any effect… and the pain and discomfort were no longer confined to just a week, it was for 3 weeks… and it just kept getting worse. My pain originated in my right lower side, and it spread around to my right lower back, to my tailbone and pelvic area, and even at times down my right leg.

July was BAD! I could barely function, and I was getting worried, because we were supposed to start school back in August. All I could do at the time was let the boys watch TV, they watched LOTS of TV that summer, send them out back to play, and just try to survive from hour to hour…I had no idea how once August arrived I would homeschool my children, I couldn’t even effectively be a wife and mother, I rarely cooked dinner.. I did only what had to be done around the house, it was excruciating to make a trip to the grocery store, riding made my pain worse and walking through the store just made my pain even worse… my husband frequently came home from work to find me in tears because of pain, my boys would come inside from playing out back and find me in tears, I often had to call my husband to come home from work because of the intensity of the pain… nothing would bring me relief… I just wanted to throw something across the room or ram something into the wall I hurt so bad…

Through this time I was unable to study God’s Word, my mind felt like it was in a fog, the pain was so consuming, that concentrating on what I was reading practically impossible… but I KNEW God’s Word, and I KNEW God, thanks to my previous sufferings…

I would often listen to praise and worship music, unable to sing along because of the tears streaming down my face, and one song I listened to over and over and over was Psalm 121 put to music, and it was a balm for my broken and hurting heart.

	I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come?  My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.  He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, He who keeps Israel Will neither slumber nor sleep.  The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand.  The sun will not smite you by day, Nor the moon by night.  The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.  The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever.  Psalm 121

Around this time I started sleeping (or more like attempting to sleep) in our guest room because I did not want to keep my husband awake at night… I rarely was able to sleep… the pain kept me awake and I tossed and turned all night long…

Most nights I laid awake in excruciating pain, pain that truly no words can adequately describe… I was unable to get relief, and did not know anything physically I could do to help my situation… so I often would just close my eyes and call on the name of Jesus, I would just say His name over and over… One night while calling on the name of Jesus, I was finally able to go to sleep and God gave me a vision. In this vision I saw a huge hand, it was the hand of God.  I saw myself, laying down, curled up into a ball, in God’s big, strong hand… I was laying in the palm of His hand. And His hand was big...  so big that He could close it up over me to protect me without harming me…

This gave me HOPE, and I clung to that HOPE…

Not long after that I was sitting in my chair in the den, with the heating pad (which had become my best friend), James and the boys were outside playing, and I was able to spend some time reading through the Psalms… and my Lord spoke to me so clearly through His Word – He gave me scriptures to pray back to Him… this infused me with HOPE! For I know God’s Word is powerful and that praying His Word is powerful.

At this point I KNEW that my Lord was not going to leave me in such a state of pain forever – and I knew that He would be honored and glorified even through one of the most physically, emotionally, and mentally hardest times of my life…

These are the verses that I read…

Psalm 34:19 “Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”

Psalm 71:20 “Thou who hast shown me many troubles and distresses, wilt revive me again, and wilt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.” Psalm 119:25 “My soul cleaves to the dust; revive me according to Thy Word.”

Psalm 138:7-8 “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, Thou wilt revive me; Thou wilt stretch forth Thy hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Thy right hand will save me. The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; do not forsake the works of Thy hands.”

Hosea 6:1-3 “Come, let us return to the Lord, for He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day that we may live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth.”

Revive was a recurring word and theme I was seeing in these verses, so I decided to look it up in the dictionary.

REVIVE – to bring back to life, consciousness, or activity; to make or become fresh or strong again, to bring back into use…

I knew God was going to bring me healing, but I didn’t know how…

Well, through a series of God-ordained events, I ended up having surgery on September 9th because of severe endometriosis… the doctor said it was one of the worst cases he had ever seen… I had a complete hysterectomy, and because of complications, I had to have 8 inches of my colon removed because the endometriosis had grown into it… and I stayed in the hospital for 8 days… However, I knew the moment I woke up from surgery that my pain was gone… and my pain is now completely gone with no trace of it whatsoever!

God provided for me so graciously… He provided me with a Christian doctor who held my hands and prayed fervently over me the morning of my surgery, He provided me with a surgeon who was an oncologist gynecologist who typically did surgery on cancer patients, therefore I was thoroughly checked for cancer and none was found! He provided me with wonderful caring nurses and friends and family who were used to be the hands and feet of Jesus to me and my family during my recovery…

He is my healer, my redeemer, my Savior, and my Lord… and I am so grateful for His hand upon my life, I praise Him for first of all my salvation, and then for my healing... He did not have to heal me, but for some reason He chose to heal me completely… therefore I desire to live fully and completely for Him, to share His love with others, and to share my story, to bring Him glory, whenever He gives me the opportunity to do so…

 Psalm 71

 For You are my hope;
O Lord GOD, You are my confidence from my youth.
⁶ By You I have been sustained from my birth;
You are He who took me from my mother’s womb;
My praise is continually of You. (verses5-6)

 But as for me, I will hope continually,
And will praise You yet more and more.
¹⁵ My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness
And of Your salvation all day long;
For I do not know the sum of them.
¹⁶ I will come with the mighty deeds of the Lord GOD;
I will make mention of Your righteousness, Yours alone.  ¹⁷ O God, You have taught me from my youth,
And I still declare Your wondrous deeds.
¹⁸ And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to all who are to come.
¹⁹ For Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the heavens,
You who have done great things;
O God, who is like You?(verses 14-19)

“God uses suffering to achieve the glorious transformation of our characters to prepare us for service and joy in in the next life”… and in this one… Randy Alcorn

The Comfort of God.... through others...

I read this verse this morning during my quiet time and I ended up just camping out on it for a while... 

 "Nevertheless, God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus."
2 Corinthians 7:6 NKJV

And as I like to do, I then looked at it in the Amplified Bible...

"But God, who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed and the sinking, comforted and encouraged and refreshed and cheered us by the arrival of Titus."  

Now, I am very familiar with 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4,
 

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

...and have often in the past clung to the fact that God is the God of all comfort.  I have spent time thinking about how God uses us to comfort those who go through trials and valleys that we ourselves have gone through, and have even been used by God to share that comfort He has provided for me with others. 


But what struck me today was that God sent comfort through a specific person, through Titus.  He used Titus to comfort, encourage, refresh, and cheer those who were depressed and were sinking...  it made me wonder, who is it in my life that God wants to bring comfort, encouragement, refreshing, and cheer to through me?  Am I being obedient to His promptings to do so?  Am I willing and available to go to the depressed and the sinking... the people these words describe are not always the most fun and enjoyable to be around.  Often times they can draw others down into their depression and their pits, but if we are filled with God's Spirit and His love, God can use us to lift them up... to bring them comfort, to speak words of encouragement, to do things for them that make them feel refreshed and that cheer them up. 


What about you?  Is there someone God wants to send you to...  to bring them His comfort, to encourage, to refresh their spirit and cheer their heart?  Will you go?

Pursuing Love...

I mentioned a couple of posts back that I feel led by the Lord to "pursue love" for 2012...  As I was reading my Bible this morning, my heart was stirred again... I read this in 2 Corinthians 5:14...

"For the love of Christ compels us..." 

Here it is in context....  2 Corinthians 5:9-21

Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him.  For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.  Knowing, therefore, the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are well known to God, and I also trust are well known in your consciences.

For we do not commend ourselves again to you, but give you opportunity to boast on our behalf, that you may have an answer for those who boast in appearance and not in heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; or if we are of sound mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.

Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.  For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (emphasis mine)

Here is just verse 14 from the Amplified Bible....

"For the love of Christ controls and urges and impels us, because we are of the opinion and conviction that [if] One died for all, then all died;"

Christ's love should compel me to love others, to love them so much that I willingly and with joyful abandon fulfill my calling to be His ambassador, to allow Christ Himself to plead through me to others for their reconciliation to God.  For truly there is nothing more important in this world than one's reconciliation to God.


Pursuing God...
Pursuing His love...
His love compelling  us to be His ambassadors...
and then His love compelling those we share His love with to be reconciled to God...


 Is His love compelling you?




 

God's Provisions...

Earlier this week, we were sitting in our classroom (we homeschool) doing some reading, and as my eyes took a sweep around the room, I was struck with the awesomeness of my Lord's provisions for us through the hands of others...

He provided us these desks, one for each boy, through a friend whose children had outgrown them...

He provided us this desk, which has become my teacher desk, through a different friend who gave us a bedroom suite they no longer used...

This table and chairs (chairs aren't in the picture, being used somewhere else for the moment...) was mine and my sister's when we were growing up....

This globe on the table was left at our door one afternoon...

The globe ball and the game below were provided by James' aunt, to use to teach our boys to pray globally...

This piano was handed down to us from my parents, who no longer use it....  and lessons are graciously and selflessly being provided for our children, who seem to have a bit of God-given talent...

These wonderful, huge, dry erase boards were sweetly made by my dear husband, for a fraction of the cost we would have paid if we had bought them already made...

If there was any question in my mind as to whether or not I have been called to homeschool our children, that question has most certainly been answered now... God has provided for our every need!  My heart is overwhelmed at His gracious provisions for us, and most through the hands of others... what a testimony to me of how God uses us collectively to meet the needs of His children... 

Do you feel the Lord is calling you to homeschool your children but not sure how to "get" all the "stuff" you think you need... put it in God's hands and watch Him provide... He is so very faithful!  And when you feel that prompting of the Lord to give to others, do it, He may just be using you to meet a need!

A Pursuit for 2012

Happy New Year!  I am really hoping to find a bit more time to blog again this year... this past year I had numerous blog posts rambling around in my head that never made it to the computer...  but that is not a reason for me to stop altogether...

So for 2012 I really hope to share snippets of what God is doing in my life and what He is teaching me as I study the Word, attend Bible studies, and just go through life day by day, being a wife and mom. 

As I had my quiet time this past Sunday morning, which was New Year's Day, a couple of words literally jumped off the page and into my heart and mind...

"Pursue love..."  1 Corinthians 14:1  NKJV

Short, simple, and to the point...

Then I looked it up in the Amplified Bible, and went back just a little bit to see what was written before that:

"...(love - true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us), these three; but the greatest of these is love.  Eagerly pursue and seek to acquire this love [make it your aim, your great quest]; 1 Corinithians13:13 - 14:1

And God has sweetly confirmed to my heart that that is what He desires for me to focus on this year... pursuing love.  In church on Sunday, our pastor shared how God has laid upon his heart to pursue humility before the Lord and before the church... to pursue...

And I read these verses today...

"Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.  Let all that you do be done with love."  1 Corinthians 16:13-14  NKJV

And then amplified a bit...

"Be alert and on your guard; stand firm in your faith (your conviction respecting man's relationship to God and divine things, keeping the trust and holy fervor born of faith and a part of it).  Act like men and be courageous; grow in strength!  Let everything you do be done in love (true love to God and man as inspired by God's love for us.)" 1 Corinthians 16:13-14  The Amplified Bible

So I look forward to what God is going to teach me this year about love... I have a feeling I have a lot to learn, and that I will be stretched and pulled out of my sweet little comfort zone...  but God's love has a way of doing that for us, taking us away from what is cozy and comfortable, and placing us in places where we are so uncomfortable that we want to squirm out and run away.  But if we stop resisting and allow God to work in us and through us, we find joy without measure and blessings we never could have imagined in those most unlikely places...

Pursue love...  What are you pursuing this year?